Q: So Shane, dude, you waste a lot of time surfing the web, am I right?
A: I guess so.
Q: Most people with a web site like to have some sort of link page to show how web-savvy they are. Surely you must have a few cool URLs you want to share.
A: No, not really.
Q: Oh come on! There must be something. A chat room, a message board, a porn site, a blog. Or maybe even a porn site…
A: Well, perhaps I should mention the Internet Movie Database, the single greatest resource for film facts in the world today, supplanting even the thickest of Leonard Maltin's deforesting annuals.
Q: Everybody knows about the imdb! My grandmother has it marked as her homepage. Don't you have something a little more obscure to point us at? Like porn?
A: Well, as a writer, I often have to research all sorts of weird things. How Stuff Works is a great place to learn how a wide variety of common devices, gizmos and systems function.
Q: Sometimes I fancy myself a writer, too. Anywhere else I should go?
A: If you're like me, you find coming up with new and offbeat character names a chore. There's probably plenty of random name generators out there, but this is the one I use.
Q: So how's about the porn?
A: Shut up.
Q: Hey Shane, you're a rebel, right?
A: Uh, sure. I guess.
Q: How can I stick it to The Man?
A: Oh. The Man. Yeah, right. Him. Well, if you're opposed to corporate badgering and waste like I am, you can always participate in this worthwhile program.
Q: Aw, that's just glorified recycling bullcrap. Someone out there must be fighting the good fight.
A: Well, they're not targeting The Man. But I think we can all agree that fucking over pedophiles is pretty noble. And how better to fuck them over than to expose them for the useless dumbasses they are?
Q: Well that was good for a laugh, I guess. But I'm looking for more traditional entertainment. Like movies. You're a film buff, what do you recommend?
A: Bad movies can be fun. But the dregs of cinema are probably more interesting to read about in a detailed post mortem than to actually sit through.
Q: No shit. So point me at some good movies.
A: Didn't you know? All movies suck.
Q: You sure own a lot of DVDs for someone who thinks that. Where do you get them?
A: Mostly brick and mortar stores, but sometimes I have to shop online to find more obscure titles.
Q: And failing that?
A: There's always my gang of disreputable Asian exporters over at eBay.
Q: Hey, how come you didn't link to eBay?
A: Do I look like fucking Rosie O'Donnell to you, asshole?
Q: Hey, Shane!
Q: Gross me out. Go on, you must know of some twisted shit out there. You're a sick bastard after all.
A: Okay, okay. Try this on for size.
Q: Pft! Amateur hour. I thought you were going to show me something really rude.
A: Well this always makes me a little queasy.
Q: Mostly that's just sad. Put up or shut up.
Q: …Good Lord. Choke.
A: Speaking of taking the Lord's name in vain and other religious hypocrisy…
Q: What the hell was that? Did I ask to have my faith questioned?
A: I dunno. I thought it was kinda interesting.
Q: Look, I take my religion very seriously and do my utmost to follow the word of God. Now where's that sweet, sweet porn?
A: Oh fine. Go and scrounge up whatever gets you off.
Q: But I don't want to do any research! That's like work. I just want to go straight to the nearest available smut.
A: Smut has a pretty broad definition. It covers a lot of ground.
Q: Just take me to it!
A: Okay. Behold the broad spectrum of that which is sick, twisted, vile, depraved, titillating, obscene, or just plain nasty.
Q: Holy shit. What the fuck's up with that site?
A: I'm still trying to figure that one out myself. I think it's presented as humour — the sad panorama of misfortune, lust, irony and suffering that is human existence. With banner ads. Or maybe it's just a bunch of weird shit and naked chicks all cobbled together.
Q: The world wide web certainly is a deluge of unregulated ideas and images, isn't it? Can't somebody save us from all this free thought?
Q: Oh. Good.
A: I'm bored now. Go away.
Q: Wait! What other creative types, famous or infamous, should I check out when I've got nothing better to do?
A: A few people spring to mind in a variety of fields. Mostly the ones with homepages or fansites I've visited before. Folks like Chuck Palahniuk, Evan Dorkin, Yoko Kanno, Matt Feazell and Don Hertzfeldt to name but a few. That should get you started.
Q: Does that mean you endorse all their work? Every word, note, line or frame they've unleashed on the world?
A: ...Umm. Okay. Sure. Why the hell not?
Q: Thanks for all these swell links. I'll be so busy checking them out, I'll never have time to come back to your site.